At your first bleating cry I became what I am, A Mother.
Delivered to my child, exhausted, bloody and terrified.
The power in your tiny form forever sabotaged my life to a collision of duty and desire.
The umbilical cord binding me
an unwilling participant in the universal myth
the power behind, the hidden force, the most potent influence.
I pitched my tent then with all the other enthused and wide-eyed mothers
And carved a course…hoping I might happen on the definitive manual and avoid the deadly
spray…of unworthy, irresponsible, bad careless mother and yet survive myself
My life, evolving in overwhelming modes of sacrifice, while trying to actualize.
Two decades of my life and more, I ducked and dived the jibes of judgmental family, critical
society, a daughter’s expectations….
A long lonely haul… I’ve served my time; I did my best to qualify as
mother.
Before you judge me
destroy the myth.
Carmel Rooney is a retired university lecturer, (TUdublin) living in Dublin, Ireland. She originally trained and worked as an actress. She writes drama, some poetry and the odd article. Published in Riposte, a monthly poetry broadsheet in Dublin.
Articles published in U Magazine and Ireland’s Own and a tiny play, ‘Super Heroes’, in online Journal Pendemic.