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Another yearly GYN exam today, and as it turns out, my last. After a
brief discussion, the nurse practitioner and I concur that at my age I
can opt out of all preventive GYN care. For fifty-some years I’ve
dutifully yielded to stirrups, vaginal speculums & specimen collections,
even as I winced and tensed, and wished I could somehow resist,
fight the invasion of instruments, swabs and fingers. Mammograms—
gone! Breast & bone density exams float out of my line of vision. No
head trips to find ways to procrastinate, to cancel and postpone. My
incarceration in the prison of standards of women’s healthcare has ceased.
June 20, 2025, will mark a new moon in the cycle of my waning life—
kicking the bucket. It’s easy to think of the downsides of starting the
last phase of my life, but here’s one of the payouts: I get to stop doing
many things that have irritated, stressed, or discomforted me for years.
Not just GYN care. Cooking Brussels sprouts, coloring my silvering hair,
opening jars, climbing stairs, cleaning windows, having a colonoscopy,
putting on makeup if it doesn’t suit me. The freedom is intoxicating,
quixotic, and can lead to unmade beds, frumpiness, hunger, and even
rumbustiousness. It’s possible that loved ones will feel neglected &
subconsciously long for the days they could plan to visit me in prison,
take me a candy bar and be done with it. But I plan to run to freedom
unfettered by GYN care and propelled by a holy rush of newfound
vigor to fly into cirrus-streaked sky in search of unexplored canyons of
wonder, open portals to never-seen vistas, a benevolent world where
Xanax is not needed. I may have taken this too far, but I feel set-free.
Yippee!! Today no GYN care, tomorrow more brazenly broken rules,
zero restraints. It’s uncharted territory to the lavender horizon, now.
Lynne Schilling began writing poetry seriously when she turned 75. She has published in Quartet, The Alchemy Spoon, New Verse News, Rue Scribe, MacQueen’s Quinterly, Lucky Jefferson and others. She has poems forthcoming in contemporary haibun online, Quail Eggs, Thimble Literary Magazine and Unbroken. You can find her at https://lynneschillingpoetry.com/